Bad Presents for Valentines Day!!
Feb 10, 2021
Here is an article that I wrote for The Sun:
Valentines Day is a time of huge pressure for couples. It is an artificially constructed day designed to boost the sales of red roses, cards, champagne, romantic dinners and tat. The expectation on February 14th is that couples will magically be in love and spend the day gazing into each others eyes. So many couples get swept up in the must buy panic.
Here are some bad ideas:
- Ugly personalised gifts (especially anything clothing related which you'd never wear in public)
If you have previously bought your partner personalised gifts that have, ever since, been in hiding in a drawer somewhere, then learn that lesson! If this is the first time, are you absolutely certain they will like them?
- A vacuum cleaner or any other cleaning equipment for women (and likewise DIY/gardening stuff for blokes)
This is a great way of demonstrating lack of imagination or understanding. It could also take you on the slippery slope to divorce or breakup. What has a vacuum cleaner or a cordless drill got to do with love unless they are going to be used as sex toys?
- Perfume or after shave
These are very personal tastes. If you buy something they already have, why bother? What are the chances of you buying something they really like? If you buy a scent that they don’t like, are they going to wear it out of duty or hide it in a drawer somewhere and feel embarrassed?
- A jewellery box as a 'joke' with something unrelated in it
A jewellery box is nice if it has some lovely jewellery inside it. If not, the lifting of the lid to discover an empty inside, or worse, something cheap or tacky, will really disappoint your partner and your ‘joke’ will backfire really badly.
- Supermarket chocolates
Chocolates are a great present, if they really like chocolate and if you buy some that show effort and thoughtfullness. Small and expensive might be good. A giant Toblerone or bag of Celebrations doesn’t cut it.
- Flowers which are already wilting
These are a great opportunity to shoot yourself in the foot. A few flowers from the supermarket or petrol station with the price sticker badly removed say ‘I have no imagination and made no effort’ One wilting red rose says ‘I am a cheapskate’.
Only give flowers if they make a real statement of love and desire and, on 14 February, that might be too expensive!
- Weird his'n'hers gifts
Shops are often full of these, hoping to catch the unimaginative or desperate. Think before you buy; if you were given this, how would you feel? Would it still be on show a year later?
- Sex Toys
If you have discussed these before with your partner, it could be a great idea, if you haven’t it could be disastrous.
If you buy a Rampant Rabbit for your boyfriend, this could be like saying to him ‘You are so bad at sex and your willy is so small that I need a battery operated lover.’
If you buy a clitoral stimulator for your girlfriend she might be delighted or very embarrassed.
- Forgetting to get anything
How could you possibly forget Valentines Day? If you do, just hand draw a card and write inside it ‘I am thoughtless and unreliable. I don’t love you.’
Some Great Gift Ideas
The important things to show are that you have thought carefully and made a real effort. That is much more important than the price tag. Here a few ideas:
- Spend the day showing that you really care for and love your partner
- Listen to them, exquisitely well
- Talk about your future dreams
- Give them a candlelit, loving massage
- Make love, as they would like
