Do you say ' I Love You' or 'Love You'?

article Apr 23, 2020

‘Love you’ v ‘I Love You’

The difference of one vowel can make a huge difference.

Most people have been in relationships with a person who, instead of simply being able to say, "I love you," tosses off a quick, "Love you," in their communications.

You may be with someone at this very moment who has this frustrating habit, or you might even be someone who's done it yourself and wants to work out what, if anything, it means about you.

Some may believe that dropping the "I" is a warning sign of an underlying fear of commitment, while others, may think it signifies nothing other than a casual nature.

Here are 10 entirely possible reasons someone may say "love you" vs "I love you" — and what it means for your relationship.

  1. “Love you” is less formal.

Some people identify as being a casual person in general, because that’s just how they see themselves. They dress comfortably. They’re looser and more relaxed than others. They aren’t stuffy and they don’t stand on custom or formality.

A person like this will be more likely to use the more relaxed and less stuffy “love you” versus it’s more formal and traditional alternative.

  1. They may be a person of few words.

Some people are just are more terse and to the point. It is like how someone texts versus how they speak. When texting, they would be more economic in their word choices and use more abbreviations, colloquialisms, and universally understood emojis.

  1. It may just be who they are.

It’s possible that some people express an abbreviated “love you” because they believe it's a reflective belief and that they intentionally lower the bar on expressing it. This means they may think love is the most natural thing in the world, and that the more they express it, the better the world might look.

  1. Saying "love you" is noncommittal.

Since it’s less formal, a quick “love you” in passing might be an easy way to bypass the filters and sneak it in without attracting too much attention and scrutiny.

  1. They're using it as a tester.

This is a low risk way of gauging responses based on people’s reactions. Sometimes, the words will float right on past without comment, so they know it got through. Other times, it might be questioned or challenged.

If you have been in a relationship for some time, the testing is no longer needed and is an unhelpful habit as you may be wanting to hear a clearer commitment.

  1. It gives them plausible deniability.

if their choice of words is challenged due to its being unwelcome, the person experimenting with the message can always fall back on the excuse of plausible deniability, which means they can say it meant nothing, and even turn things back around on the questioner for making an issue out of it.

  1. It could signal a pleaser.

By choosing to offer a "love you" in passing instead of fully owning the committed statement of “I love you,” someone who embodies a pleaser's energy can sneak those two words into conversation in order to evaluate how well all three words might land. It’s similar to a salesperson who floats a "soft test close" by saying like, “If we could handle that issue for you, do you think you’d be ready to buy?”

By using softeners and distancing language, it becomes easier to bypass the other's defenses.

  1. They may just like it and it's become their habit.

Sometimes people adapt language patterns and turns of phrases they’ve heard in passing just because they like the way it sounds or makes them feel.

And if the phraseology is particularly catchy or has multiple uses, it can sometimes find its way into a person’s frequent use.

  1. It could indicate they have a slightly lower EQ.

Everyone is familiar with the IQ as a measure of an individual’s intelligence, but their EQ is a measure of their emotional intelligence. In other words, people who have great difficulty using “the L word” or other similar emotion-based words, might prefer to “drop the I” and go with a more remote “love you” because it maintains distance and deniability.

and ...

Given these nine previous possibilities, this last one is by far the most important to remember:

  1. Nothing has any meaning other than the meaning you give it.

We all have our own ‘maps of the world’

Individuals are a product of their environments, influences, habits, beliefs, standards, ideals and more. One person’s “normal” might be very different from another’s so if you judge too soon with too little information, you are almost certainly going to make an incorrect assessment.

And most importantly, when it comes to deciding what things mean, that is always your job and your job alone.

So be careful, because your decisions have consequences. Once you judge someone, it becomes almost impossible to influence them … or yourself.

Adapted from an article by Dave Elliott