What are the Green Flags to look for in a New Relationship?

This is an article I wrote for Red Magazine.

Here are the signs that a new relationship is heading in the right direction:

1.You are looking forwards with excitement and anticipation.

Your focus is very much on the present and the future, you no longer feel the need to wallow in past hurts and disappointments.

You are able to be in the moment, enjoying life. You are also talking about the future, looking forward to sharing new experiences.

2. Communication is really good.

You feel able to talk about how you are feeling and are being truly listened to. There is so much to talk about and often the conversations effortlessly fill time. There are also silences that feel comfortable; you don’t feel the need to fill in the gaps.

3. There is a strong sense of connection.

You have the sense of being in tune with each other. Little looks, touches and words can make you tingle with pleasure. There are moments of intimacy where it is as if time has stopped and nothing else matters. Kisses and love making can be intense and very pleasurable. You may also feel a deep, primeval connection, as if you are ‘soul mates.’

4. There is a real commitment to the relationship.

You both are investing time and energy in the relationship and it feels that it is important to both of you. You find ways of minimising distractions and making the relationship is top priority.

5. You are both having fun together.

You are both able to relax and let the inner child out to play. You can be silly and really laugh together. Your smiles light up your lives.

6. There is a feeling of growth.

The relationship is nourishing both of you and it feels like you are both expanding your lives as individuals as well as a couple. There are, inevitably, ups and downs but you feel that ‘us’ has life and is not static

7. Trust is strong.

You trust each other implicitly and there are no concerns over ‘where are they, who are they talking to.’
You can both share anything about your past, feelings and dreams and there are no secrets. If you had a problem, you are confident that they would respond in the right way to your cry for help. You would also really want to help them

How many of these 7 points resonated with you?
Now that you know all of that; what would you like to have happen?

You have 3 fundamental choices:
1. Relax and enjoy the journey and see where this takes you.
2. Invest time and energy and do all you can to make it a great relationship.
3. Worry that it all seems too good, that you don’t deserve a great relationship and self-sabotage

Reflecting on those three simple choices; what does your heart tell you, what does your head tell you and what does your gut tell you?
If all of those are aligned on investing in the relationship, then that is a clear answer.
Now imagine acting on that.
How does that feel and what do those feelings tell you?